So, partly for reasons I am not allowed to disclose, I need an accountant/financial adviser person. Problem is, ever single one of those types of folks I've ever talked to (excluding my mum who isn't a proper CPA, so doesn't really count for these purposes) has given me the "I'm pretending to be friendly to get your money" salesman vibe, which makes my skin crawl.
I detest pretend niceness, especially when being wielded for personal gain.
But my kvetching aside, I still need to find one of these folks.
I feel vaguely useless in a lot of ways, for many legitimate reasons, and maybe a few illegitimate ones, but I've had trouble for weeks prioritizing the important things, as they all seem so overwhelming. I've seduced myself with unimportant things as they are manageable and rewarding, but they're a waste of time right now.
Two days ago, felt pretty miserable, and woke up to find Mom had called and left a voicemail, which generally means she has done her normal thing of "Oh god, a masked gunman has run off with my only son!" thing. Which may sound overly dramatic, but, in all seriousness, it is exactly that real and panic inducing in her head when she gets that way, and it took me a good 25 years to finally appreciate it. That awareness has helped a lot in the last few years.
But anyhow. She's concerned about a lot of things in her own life, and it was very surprising to me, to suddenly switch from internally obsessed to shoulder to cry on. Also, a huge relief. When life is tough for me, it seems the best treatment for me is to be there for somebody else. It lets me forget about myself and come back with a greater sense of perspective.
Mom's going to be alright, and so will I.
The moon is barely past new, it's dark, the clouds are clearing. I'm going to bike north and look for shooting stars to wish on.
Edit: I defaulted to making things private, partially due to fear of being tracked down by family in the past. But that paranoia isn't a great reflex. For what limited value this might be to a stranger, might as well make this public.
It was a nice night to ride.